Is Growth Easily Obtainable?

Can you believe it’s May 2020 already? Time is indeed flying.

In today’s post I wanted to discuss a bit on the subject of growth. To me it’s a topic I’ll always be talking about because it’s something we can never stop doing (by choice you can). When I sit in my quiet space to write and fully reevaluate everything that is going on or I have been through, I think of the word growth every time. How did I grow from my past situation? Am I growing or am I stagnant in my ways? Am I practicing to have a growth mindset? These are just a few questions that comes to mind. Maybe you should ask yourself these questions also.

Is Growth Easily Obtainable?

I’m asking for a friend… No seriously, is growth easily obtainable? In my honest opinion, the answer is yes. The answer is yes, but there are some factors that comes with it. If you want to grow, it won’t happen overnight. Think about it, a plant doesn’t just grow in a day. Sometimes it takes a plant weeks before it sprouts out from beneath the dirt and months even to produce a new leaf. Growth is not something that is to be rushed. It happens overtime and when we take the steps to allow it, “growth” to sprout, it’s a beautiful thing.

3 Things About Growth You Do Not Want To Accept

  1. It happens when you least expect it.
  2. It may cause you to lose a friend or two…or ALL.
  3. It may not make you happy…during the process!

How you can obtain growth is to let it happen gradually. This is probably the only process we can just allow to do its thing in our life. That’s easier said than done because 99% of the time we want to see results FAST. I think that’s a normal human tendancy, however it’s not a good one to practice. Just as it is inevitable to stop the sun from rising and setting each day, it’s the same way it is inevitable for us to control our growth process. Controlling and obtaining, two different words. Don’t confuse them! We cannot control our growth, but we can obtain it.

How Can I Obtain Growth?

Ask yourself the question, “How can I obtain growth?”. That’s the first step in actually growing; when you seek help, knowledge or information. Next is figuring out some ways that will help you reach your goal, aka whatever area you are trying to grow or exceed in. For example, if you are trying to stop lying, you must first think of ways you can do that. How can I stop lying? Maybe I can tell the person what I am feeling in the moment as to why I lie. Or maybe you can figure out the exact reason you would rather lie than just tell the truth. It can be because of fear of losing something or someone, or it is just something you became accustom to. Was that clear? I hope so.

We grow when we accept things for what it is and try to do better. We grow when we understand that everything happens for a reason and sometimes that reason is there to benefit us. We grow when we take the initiative to be better people in general, not just for ourselves but for a wider audience. We grow when we allow God to take control of our lives.

Incorporating a growth mindset sets you apart from everyone else. It shows that you are willing and open to the betterment of your life. People who practice having a growth mindset embraces the challenges that come before them. They learn from their past and also from the criticism of others. They get inspired and jump for joy at the hands of success from others. This is what we must practice today.

So again I ask, is growth easily obtainable? Yes. Take the steps to grow better, glow better and flow better.

The steps are:

  • Seek help or information
  • Have a growth mindset, bring your thinking to a new level of where you want to be
  • Reflect + Understand what you may have done to get to that point
  • Make a plan/solution for exactly how you’re going to get there (wherever you want to be)

Thanks for stopping by! XO MJ.

20 Thoughts For 2020.

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DSC08872DSC08836IMG_2589.JPGDSC08843DSC08894.JPGGuys, guess what? 2020 is right around the corner. I mean, not literally but it’s a few weeks away, so I decided to share 20 thoughts for 2020 with you to get you ready for what’s ahead!

**Disclaimer: This post is a bit lengthy, but it is worth the read + dope photos ahead!

20 Thoughts For 2020
  • Keeping it real 2020 is a bit scary for me. Not because I’m thinking negatively or anything, but it’s scary because I am super anxious about what’s coming! Honestly, God has been blessing me thoroughly and keeping it all the way real…I am so happy right now. I finally feel like good things really came to me. I’ve always kept the faith and tried to walk the walk, but sometimes it got hard and I did lose faith for a second. Thankfully I found my way back to God and my faith grew and grew to where it is now. SO, my first thought and advice are this: Never lose your faith. Why? Because God always has a plan for our lives, even when we cannot fully see it.
  • Don’t stand in the way of your own blessings. Cliché as that may sound, it’s an actual fact. Many times we cause ourselves to lose out, all because we are afraid to give in. When I say “give in”, I’m referring to putting our all into something (whatever we may want or desire). Leave that mess in 2019. Actually leave that mess where it is now, start fresh today! Put in the work for your dreams now and stop putting it on the back burner. I’m speaking to myself in this one also!
  • Push yourself.
  • Stop complaining.
  • Stop comparing yourself. The grass is NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. Please ladies and gentlemen, this comparing your life, goals, accomplishments to other people has to end now. It will only lead you down a wormhole of darkness, bitterness, envy, and sadness. No one ever felt better from comparing themselves to anyone! Instead, be happy for that person or even ask them for help or assistance if possible. Elevate them and they will elevate/embrace YOU in return. Trust me, it’s God’s way and God’s way always wins.
  • Everything is FIGURE-OUT-ABLE.
  • Therapy is NOT the enemy. I’ve actually been thinking about going to therapy. I haven’t told anyone (other than my mom because she’s thinking of going too), but it may allow me to speak about things from my childhood that I may not have let go of. Honestly, not sure of it but I don’t think people should feel embarrassed for doing it. It’s a form of release and relief. With that being said, if you been thinking about it or have done it, let me know your thoughts in the comments!
  • Have that terrifying conversation you been dodging. I’m sorry, but dodging a serious, ‘need to be had’ convo ain’t the answer love. Put your big boy/or big girl underwear on and GET IT DONE.
  • Let go of loose ends. Period.
  • Stop feeling guilty for choosing YOU. Again… STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR CHOOSING YOU.
  • Dress to impress. This is an important thought I’m sharing because sometimes your outward appearance does matter. Do not believe the lies you been fed. Dress the part first, then make it your own!
  • Let God fight the battles for you. Some people are natural-born fighters (like me…shameless), but God tells us over and over that he wants to fight our battles for us. We are so stubborn sometimes, we neglect that voice in our heads that tells us to relax. Like an energizer bunny, we are ready to go always, but time to let that part of us go. It’s actually holding you back from growing into what God wants you to be. WOW, that one hit home for me!

For my ladies…

  • You are capable of love.
  • Stop pushing that guy who likes you away. This one speaks to a lot of you. You’re scared of being hurt or commitment issues or trust issues. Leave that in 2019. Give him a chance. Honestly, some guys suck I get it, but there are a faithful few who are actually genuine and true to their tongue! If you like him, give him a chance.
  • Stop giving it all away. You don’t have to give it up every time you ‘like’ a guy or because he’s fine! Guys may not say it out loud, but a little mystery, self-respect and ‘hard to get’ action does the trick. Actually, scratch that! Respect yourself enough to not give in on your feelings or wants, but act with your brain. When you love yourself, like God loves you…you move differently when it comes to relationships. You got to love and understand yourself completely before letting that person in (literally and figuratively). Just keeping it REAL!

For my gentlemen…

  • Be gentle! I mean, it’s in your title “GENTLE-man”.
  • You can have cake and eat it too. What I mean is this… you can be a good, respectful guy and have the same type of woman on your arm. SINGULAR…woman. The player mentality, leave that in 2019.
  • Be real with yourself.
  • You can be great too in this world that tells you you cannot. Black men graduate. Black men run businesses. Black men go to church. Black men can smile, laugh, do good, be an example, be a father. The list will forever go on.

Last thought.

  • Be good to yourself. This goes out to everyone. The old and young. The ‘sacrificers’ of the family, the go-getters, entrepreneurs, bloggers, stylists…pause and be good to yourself. Treat yourself more. Self-care is important for both men and women. Don’t let 2020 catch you doing the same thing you did all year. DO BETTER!

Green Ruffles + GWTF.

Photos by Duran Andrae. (Edited by me)

Hello my loves! I hope you are having a beautiful week so far.

Welcome back! To my new friends, thanks for stopping by. You won’t regret this read. Today’s post is a style post, but as you know my style posts comes with some “juice” aka words of encouragement to sustain us as we go! To the people in the back who haven’t guessed what “GWTF” stands for…it’s “GOING WITH THE FLOW“. Catchy right? I thought I’d pick your brains a bit with that title. Okay, let’s jump right in!

Why GWTF is so important?

I know you hear it a lot, but for me going with the flow isn’t easy as it sounds. I’m a critical person, who’s very organized and particular, so going with the flow sometimes can be super difficult. Some may say these are attributes of a Capricon (I don’t fully believe in zodiac signs, but yeah), so ‘enter with caution’! Okay yes, that’s literally me but a girl can change. When approaching life situations where things may get a bit unpredictable, I have come up with some ways to GWTF. Here’s my tips:

  • Relax and just let it happen. Sometimes the best outcomes come when we let go and let God take over (or if you don’t believe in God- let go & let things flow).
  • Think positively vs negatively. Why, because optimistic people get further in life. Period.
  • Self-talk: Reassure yourself that it is not the end of the world. Yes, you messed up or failed this time, but you’ll get it right next time tiger!
  • Be bold, be brave, be confident. Honestly, I can stop with this one only because these three things are the key to be a GO GETTER, A BOSS, AND A ‘GO WITH THE FLOW-ER‘. Yep, I made that up and I’m standing by it!

STYLE DEETS ARE IN..

Green Ruffle SetPretty Little Thing (my actual first time shopping from them and I can tell you this…looks can be deceiving with that brand!) BagSHEIN (WORTH IT! Don’t sleep on this brand y’all!) Shoes ZARA

Thanks for stopping by! PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to my blog (I won’t Spam ya!) to keep up with the new heat coming each week! You won’t regret it. xoxo MJ.

5 Ways To Build Up Your Self-Confidence.

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Hey Luvs! Thanks for stopping by. I hope you’re enjoying this care-free photo taken on my honeymoon! Today’s post I’ll be focusing on how we can build up our self-confidence. This is super important not only for our mental health, but for our real-life day to day responsibilities and lives.

here’s a story!

When I was younger, I did not always have confidence in myself (school-wise). I know, ME right. Keeping it 100% real, I was really shy and it wasn’t that I didn’t believe in myself but I didn’t always believe in myself or think it was really me who could accomplish great things. I second-guessed myself a lot and whenever I got things correct, somewhere in the back of my mind I questioned it. Don’t get me wrong I was a very smart girl, graduated salutatorian of my 8th & 12th grade classes, but being the youngest child, many (the older siblings) think it’s the best thing in life. They see you getting all the “perks”: being spoiled by both parents, leniency, and my favorite an “easy life” because everything is handed to you. LIESWRONG. ASSUMPTIONS. Life hits us hard just like every other person. We are faced with the expectancy to live up to the oldest siblings or to even surpass that and that pressure can get to a person hard. I say all this to zero in on the fact that a person’s self-confidence can be dependent on so many factors and it’s super important that we get a hold on the specific tools to building up our confidence levels before it’s too late.

Factors (in my opinion) that causes a person to have low self-confidence. Some I’ve experienced and some I have observed:

—Comparison to someone else. (experienced in the past)

—Not feeling like they are enough or good enough. (experienced in the past)

—Being spoken down to or fed negativity.

—Focus of importance put on the outer appearance vs the inner.

—Lack of a good role model in the home/or growing up.

The importance of building up your self-confidence has a lot with you making a conscious decision that you want to make a change in your life or see things work differently. I know some of you are like, I’m good I don’t need these 5 tips, but trust me it never hurts to improve yourself.

  1. Recognize The ProblemIn order for change to occur you have to know what’s causing you to feel the emotion, you’re feeling. Why are you sad? depressed? hateful to yourself? jealous of others? angry? Try to understand the answers to those questions and if help is needed, get some from someone you trust.
  2. Make A List Of Pros And ConsThis one gets real personal. It involves getting vulnerable with yourself. Make a list of pros and cons about yourself, whether it’s what you’re good at, what you’ve accomplished, or what you like about yourself. I guarantee you the pros will outweigh the cons!
  3. Talk To Yourself. People will say this one is crazy, however, it is helpful. In situations where you may falter or that one negative voice pops in your mind, crush it with your positivity of who you are and what you can do. This is helpful especially when you’re approaching job interviews or even when you have an important speech/or public speaking venture you have to follow through on. It has helped me countless times before.
  4. Forget Your Failures. Failing is part of life. Everyone has failed at something, even the person you look up to the most! Instead of lingering and focusing on what you have failed at doing, learn from your mistakes and keep on trying. It is not the end for you. This is one of the leading reasons people are giving up on life, however, it should be one of the main reasons we keep trying to better our lives.
  5. Use Affirmations/ Affirm Yourself. (my favorite) This may seem light, but it’s a very heavy load! Writing down and even repeating affirmations can boost your confidence sky-high. I have developed this habit lately and it not only makes me confident but it gives me that positive outlet each day. Tip: Make a folder in your notes and write down some affirmations every morning. This has been my ritual and whenever I’m having a bad day, I look back at it. Try it!

I hope this post was helpful and encourages you to build on your self-confidence if needed. Share this post with a friend or loved one who needs it. They’ll thank you later!

Don’t forget to subscribe to keep up with my new posts! Thanks for stopping by! xoxo MJ.

Stand For Something.

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Photos By Shenelle Powell, my dope friend.

Dress details: ASOS, Bag- Topshop

Today marks a new month and new months go, we decide that we want a new outlook on how we do things because in our minds we have to change. I cannot lie, this has been my way of thinking too. Nothing is wrong with that, but one thing I have realized is that you do not need a new month to occur in order for you to have these thoughts or mindsets. Anytime is the right time.

Enough about that, today’s post points a finger back at ‘oneself’. What do you stand for? What are you standing on? Why do you stand? Think about those three questions as I prepare to feed your mind and souls.

What do you stand for?

The question every person has been asked, either by someone or by themselves. The saying goes “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”. How true is this statement to you? To me this is simple, decide in your heart what you believe in that is right and by any means necessary, stick with it. This can be applied with anything you may face (generally at work, school, home & with family) because often times we are tried and may have to prove that we mean what we say. It is absolutely the worse thing when you are a person who can easily be swayed or “talked out” of something based on the opinion of someone else. I have experienced this type of “swayed-ness” in my personal life and it is agitating after the fact. If you have your mindset on something that you truly believe in to be right, after weighing your options, then my advice to you is to stick with it. Do not back down. Sometimes standing for something means you may have to STAND ALONE. Standing for something is only the first step in taking ownership of your individuality. Next comes what you are standing on, then why you stand period.

What are you standing on?

The Jesus in me is screaming out “I’m standing on solid ground”, but not everyone may truly understand that concept. So you establish what you stand for, but if you don’t know what you’re standing on…are you truly in a steady/solid place in your life? We can be the best advocates and the most eloquent speakers for ourself, however, if we do not have a place that is not toxic, not negative, or comfortable we may not be standing in the right place. Sometimes where you are, plays a big role in the outcome of decisions you make. We may not always understand how bad a place was for us until we leave. That’s where the leap of faith comes in. This is where the leap of taking your stance for whatever you believe in (what you stand for) triumphs and you understand that you have to get to where you need to be standing. So again…what are you standing on? Are you standing in the right place?

Why do you stand?

Some people are lazy and would rather stay sitting. That’s cool, but how long will you stay sitting in your self-pity, low confidence, faithlessness, hurt, worry, fear, troubles, anger? You have to get up. Stand up today, don’t wait. We are the only ones that are stopping ourselves from prospering. If we do not have an understanding as to why we need to stand up for US/YOU, then the cause is pointless. We have to understand that what we stand for and what we stand on is our reason for standing. Standing up for principles and having standards for ourselves isn’t a crime. I stand for myself because I am worth it. What’s your reason?

I hope this post encouraged you to always stand for something because life is too short to be a pushover love.

life is unpredictable.

Hello my loves,

Processed with VSCO with j5 presetI hope you are having a beautiful day and I hope my smile made it a tiny bit better! Today’s post is about the unforeseen expectations, situations, and trials that are constantly thrown at us in this thing called LIFE that we are living. I hope my experience can encourage someone to not give up on their dreams and change their attitude from today to take charge of their destiny.

“Do not let yourself be caught up in the trap of comparison.”- Octavia Spencer

This quote has been stuck with me all week because I was beginning to lose myself along the way. To be honest, I am not the type of person to compare myself to others, but lately, I found myself in a dark hole of constant attack on myself. This involved questioning my decisions, who I am, what I stand for, what I’m doing with my life etc. It’s weird for me to even come to this conclusion because my last post was encouraging you (and myself) to not worry or fear because “your season is coming”, but for two months I’ve had setbacks…well, so I thought.

Reflection is a beautiful thing, for two reasons:

  1. It allows you to review what has taken place.
  2. It opens the opportunity for you to make a change.

So I did just that. I sat down and I reflected on what this year has brought me so far. You know when people (therapists haha) suggest that you write down a list of the good and the bad, yeah that actually works. The good list was longer than the bad, however as I began to nitpick at each of the things I wrote down, I thought of ways I can make a change so that the “bad or unaccomplished goal” can change its course and leave me with a more developed plan and a clear mind.

My experience has brought me to this conclusion

Life is unpredictable. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns.

Does that give us to right to quit? No.

Remember when I said for two months I’ve had setbacks? Well, December 2017 I finished all the requirements for being an undergrad. Yes, I’m a college graduate and I walk in MAY 2018. As beautiful as that is an accomplishment, it is not MY finish line. To be able to use my degree fully I have to complete my certifications and workshops so I can be a certified teacher and have my own classroom. For two months I have been in a wormhole of situations and I have been experiencing a whole heap of emotions. The pressure of making it “big”, making your parents proud, passing your tests, accomplishing your goals and making your dreams come true has all been OVERWHELMING. Up until a few days ago, I decided to block out everything and refocus my mind on what’s really important, that is my attitude. Yes, I said my attitude. Everything is based on our attitude towards life. I’ve listened to a podcast that said, “Your attitude determines your altitude”. I instantly felt a change inside me that gave me the motivation to fight for what I want and where I want to be. It is prevalent that my attitude, whether I fail or succeed show that of what God has instilled inside of me. I realized that in order for me to truly succeed I have to have perseverance. I cannot focus my attention on pleasing my family, but I have to please myself (and God). I am not perfect and neither am I trying to depict that ever, but my aspiration is to be the best I can be. That is my ultimate goal.

As I sat home one day in my bed, I began to write down things to help encourage myself and keep me focused, and I also began to plan more efficiently. 

Affirmations can take you far. TRUST ME.

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Photo by Shenelle P.

  • Sometimes I have to roll with the punches and continue to keep going.
  • Ignore what I see on social media and do not let that consume my life. I have before, but I have realized what’s on the net/tv is not real life and not always true. Giving it my attention will only make me question who I am and what I am capable of.
  • “Don’t let who you’re becoming be shaped my disappointments. Also, don’t let yourself be shaped by achievements.” – Octavia Spencer
  • My journey is mine and I am in control of it.
  • I am evolving constantly. Just as the earth revolves, I EVOLVE.
  • NEVER let my own fear make me stop pushing myself.
  • If I want something, I need to go for it with everything inside me. 

Thanks to Octavia Spencer’s speech, I am beginning to “embrace the mess”. You can watch it HERE. Trust me, if you ever feel lesser than what you know you can give out, watch this video. It will help you and motivate you to be a better you. 

Outfit details: Crew neck Forever 21, Trousers Boohoo, Shoes Steve Madden, Bag Zara.

Thanks for stopping by, xoxo MJ.

a new mindset.

The need for having a new mindset when handling situations is so important.
Many times we find ourselves doing the same things over and over, hoping to have a different outcome, but..
HOW can you have a different outcome when repeatedly doing the same thing?
Simple: You can’t.
A new mindset will give you new results.
I have came to the conclusion that a new mindset does this:
1. It encourages growth.
2. It allow a person to understand his/or her abilities can be developed through learning (from his/or her mistakes), effort (trying to change) and perseverance (not giving up until that change is done).
What’s the point of having a “fixed” mindset and staying stagnant?
It’s time to change “our” thoughts and watch the words that we say.
Have you even accepted that something needs to be changed about your thinking?
Majority of the time we do not.
We tend to ignore and just say “yeah I have to change this about myself”, but never actually do it.
Change requires action. (I’ve learned that the hard way.)
When it comes to setting goals, changing habits, relationship/friendship issues going forward a new mindset is necessary.
Mindsets are often formed by our prior experiences and emotional milestones.
In order for growth to take place we must first do this:
Let go of our self doubt, bad attitudes, limiting beliefs, negative thoughts and lastly our lack of motivation to do better.
This will only happen if we choose to take that step towards being on the right track.

Remember this: “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

communicate.

taking the time to communicate is important.
before you read remember, talking things out is more beneficial and it gives room for growth.

take time to communicate and express how you feel.
take time to let out all the hurt that has been built up,
because what good is it to keep it all locked up?
what good will it be to you to never say, at any time of the day,
the way someone or something is or has been bothering your soul?

take time to communicate instead of walking away.
it is better to talk something out and try to work it out,
rather than just turning your back to a situation.
what good is it to you to throw away something you committed too?

take time to exchange your thoughts.
take the time to let others know that you are worthy of being heard from.
take some time to think, to breathe, to get it off your chest.
what good is it to carry that load everyday?

take some time to talk to YOU, yes you.
it is not crazy to do so.
nobody knows you better than you.
pep talks and recitation of work of some sort is not the only way you speak to yourself.
talking to yourself benefits you,
it can help clarify your thoughts, boost your overall mood, take away stress,
and allow you to remember who you are.
what harm is it to clear your mind with some you-time?
(post about self-talk coming soon)

take some time to speak with God.
express to Him everything.
He says, “come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Matt 11:28
take time to pour out your heart to him, although he knows…
what would it cost you to just call on him?
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Photo by: Duran Miller | outfit details coming soon.